Split screen sadness

Eversince I got back from my trip, I feel an infinite sadness. Im withdrawn from people. I dont mingle much and I have no freakin idea why. Im kinda ok when Im at work since Im always busy there but after work, it all settles in...Im alone...again.

I would always catch myself talking to myself or just having lots of random thoughts. Maybe Im mental...ah I don't know. All I know is, Im sad or depressed or whatever blue you can call it.

And because of this, Im feeling bolder to move out of the provice and go to Toronto to ate. She kinda knows what my situation is and she is more than willing to have me there. Job wise, I know myself and capabilities and I have Will who still have a job offer for me. But last time we talked he's pushing me to go to Calgary since according to him, there are more better job opportunities for me in Calgary and he have contacts there so I can easily find a job. He told me that living in Toronto is like a rat life. I told him that I've been living my life in Manila and its much worst than Toronto. He was laughing his ass the whole time and he told me that I did have a valid point. Anyway yeah most of the time Im thinking of moving out but there are also reasons that I need to stay. I need to stay here so I can petition my family to go here. And besides I really love my office mates. They are my family. Other than that I dont know.

Maybe Im sad because when I went to Manila, Im with my family and friends and Im happy everyday especially when I had my Asian trip. Then coming back here, I realized that Im far away from them. Im back on my routine of work-home-sleep. Its not like what I had a couple of weeks ago that on a day I got to do a lot of things like waking up with a good breakfast, going to church, meeting up with friends, going to the mall, watch a movie, go to the beach and such. I know I can do it here but its so damn hard with the weather and commuting. This too shall pass...maybe by spring I'll be better after all I managed to live here for 2 years, and I survived.